my microdosing journey
as a student

may 2021

Arriving in canada

When I first stepped onto Canadian soil, I had the feeling that I was the happiest individual in the world. It was -19℃ that day but I was so excited that it didn’t bother me at all. Back in India I always used to wonder what a snowy weather would feel like and here I was in a place that was cooler than the inside of a deep freezer. 

The week after I landed, I had my first class at my university, and I was a bit reluctant to go inside the classroom, but the teacher and my classmates were very welcoming, and they made me feel at home.

However, there was a deep sense of unbelonging I couldn’t reconcile within myself. 

Back at home, I had my mother and my brother and no matter how the day went by I used to have them by my side when I came home. This was not the case in the apartment I was living in in Canada. There was no brother of mine who I could rant to about how my day went and there was no mother to console me and wake me up if I went to bed without having dinner.

I soon began to notice that the sun doesn’t shine that much here like it used to at home and that I felt extremely gloomy throughout the day. My mental health took a hard hit when I began to see my grades slipping and that was when all the alarms bells went off. I am an international student paying 6 to 8 times the amount of tuition a Canadian student pays in a year. Failure was not an option. 

I became increasingly stressed and anxious, and my smoking habit got worse and on top of that I started smoking weed as a coping mechanism to deal with my situation. My mental health deteriorated rapidly, and I started taking rash decisions to keep myself afloat. I was spending unmindfully and buying things that I don’t need and got into bad company with a girl who was milking my money even more. 

At one point I was getting less than four hours sleep and started having auditory hallucinations. I received a message of warning from my school that if I failed to meet a standing grade in my next semester I would be kicked out of school.

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I was hesitant to go to a psychologist as I imagined that the first thing they would do would be to prescribe antidepressants and believe me I have seen people of my demographic taking SSRIs like Prozac or Zoloft with long term side-effects of dependency and addiction.

first contact

Fortunately for me, I made some rather good friends here in Canada who suggested I microdose on psychedelics to see whether I could turn my situation for the better.

I read articles on Silicon Valley moguls taking LSD in very small quantities to help them solve problems. The best literature I came across was the experiments that were being done at Johns Hopkins University pioneered by Dr Rolland Griffith’s labs on psilocybin assisted psychotherapy. 

I said to myself why not give it a try? 

It was summer, my semester ended rough, I got my hands on some magic mushrooms, a coffee grinder and empty capsules in which I weighed 0.3g of powdered mushrooms and dosed every third day according to the Fadiman regime. 

Within the next two weeks, I noticed that my auditory hallucinations went away. I started to notice when I was outside, the day was a bit brighter than it was previously.

At first, I thought that it was part of the hallucinatory effects of psychedelic mushrooms, but my mood started improving and it wasn’t dark and gloomy like the weather outside anymore. For the first time I started saying to myself that life was good.

I slowly started to have a decent amount of sleep and by that I meant that I started having vivid dreams. I didn’t know that I wasn’t dreaming at all. I figured that REM sleep is an essential component for good mental health and this was completely missing before I started on microdosing.

By the end of six weeks, I began to get a grasp of my life and my anxiety started to fade away. I had this awareness that I never had before in my life.

I was smoking less and less cigarettes as the aftertaste that smoking cigarettes left was unbearable now. I was also smoking less cannabis than I used to, but that habit didn’t go away until a year later. I quit smoking cigarettes followed by a single large dose of mushrooms by the end of the third month of starting microdosing. However, kicking the cigarette habit cannot be attributed to microdosing alone. My willpower to stop was enhanced because of microdosing mushrooms.

hoping again

Fast forward to a year and a half, and I am not on autopilot with my life anymore.

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I remember I was at such a low point in my life that I didn’t have the courage to face my inner demons and talk to anyone with confidence. I figured that I have a creative approach to solving my problems now and I look forward to what the next day has in store for me. 

Gone are the days when I would cower under my blankets and have no control over my erratic thought process going in all directions which would make me anxious and nervous. I am in a better state now, I am calmer and I don’t feel anxious in difficult situations.

My grades got better, and I am making better decisions and rational choices. I am grateful for microdosing mushrooms research for bringing me to this awareness. 

conscious choice

It is important to take into account that I took a risk without knowing what I was getting into. I was desperate but I made a choice to make my life better because the pressure was immense as an international student barely making it out in the unknown.

Psychedelics are a tool just like the hammer in your garage or the crutches one uses when you can’t walk. Just like anything that has the capacity to do immense good it can also do the opposite if not used wisely. 

Traditionally, psychedelic mushrooms have always been used in ritualistic sessions where they were integrated properly with the individual which is not the case for modern man. I was lucky that I had good friends who helped me integrate my experiences and aided me to get a bearing on what was happening to me on psychedelics. 

Make sure you do your research and check whether you have a genetic history of schizophrenia or psychosis in your family and if that is the case just stay away from psychedelics. 

*This testimony is a true story. For privacy and legal purposes, we chose not to display real name nor any personal informations. 

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